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it is the third of october
and i am building a castle for us
out of feathers, bird bones, 
ocean waves and library book pages. 
anything to keep our feet from
touching the ground.

you are sin, he whispers
and his fingers trail cold fire 
down my side, scorching flesh
and freezing bone;
brittle pieces of me shatter
as they hit the stained linoleum floor.
don't wake me from this nightmare.

i whisper a nursery rhyme 
as i walk down our
autumn path.
kamikaze leaves fall, trailing
fire as they throw themselves from
the branches, down, down,
to cold pavement below.
your words echo in my mind
a constant reminder
that i am sin

but you,
you were
never
god


.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-01-06
wednesday's child by ~sootandcinders ( Suggested by littleblueraccoon and Featured by DorianHarper )
:iconbreathofthemachine:
BreathoftheMachine Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Student Writer
I don't have the words. Anything I say would look stupid coming after this poem. I read this months ago and I keep coming back to it. That's how beautiful it is.
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:iconsairey:
sairey Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely breathtaking
Killed me :love: 
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:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner May 1, 2014   Writer
this is so excellent -- i love the repetition and i love the last line.  :)
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:iconmikeyjean:
mikeyjean Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014
oh just wow I love this 
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:iconunknownemotions:
UnknownEmotions Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I really cant stop reading this.
Reply
:iconspiderwebwisher:
SpiderwebWisher Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hello, I'm a contributor for LiteratureRoadtrip and you have been featured in this week's Friday Feature! Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconspiderwebwisher:
SpiderwebWisher Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: You're welcome! :hug: 
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:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014   General Artist
amazing writing :heart: congrats on the DD =D
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014   Writer

So lovely!

 

Congratulations on the DD, dear! :clap:

Reply
:iconx-rewind:
x-rewind Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Student Digital Artist
How strange! I just finished reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman today and came across this poem. Sent a chill down my spine. Brilliant and powerful.
Reply
:iconunknownemotions:
UnknownEmotions Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I can't tell you how much I love this!!!

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:iconscreamingeve:
screamingeve Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
Clap 
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014   Writer
congrats on the well-deserved DD! :heart:
Reply
:iconmarsattack464:
MarsAttack464 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
beautiful!
Reply
:iconhapyape1213:
hapyape1213 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
that was just amazing!,did you come up with that?

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:icondelirious-eyes:
delirious-eyes Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful.
Reply
:iconspiritowl:
SpiritOwl Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
~<3 Tee-hee

I was born on a Wednesday, in October 0u0 so much woe...

I like your poem, its words seem so pretty and light, even though they're so powerful.
Reply
:iconanimafelis:
ANIMAfelis Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Professional General Artist
Nice one!
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:iconsinnibelle:
Sinnibelle Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Interesting
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:iconpokemon22255:
pokemon22255 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
"It is the third of October"
:O MY BIRTHDAY!!!
Reply
:iconsimplysilent:
SimplySilent Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
:iconcuteicondivider2plz::iconcuteicondivider2plz: :iconcongratsddplz: :iconcuteicondivider2plz::iconcuteicondivider2plz:
:heart: Congrats on the Daily Deviation! :tighthug: 
Reply
:iconnaomiphantomhive1:
naomiphantomhive1 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Student General Artist
wow....this made me cry...i love it.....
Reply
:iconbudderluverrtb:
budderluverrtb Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It is a beautiful story and it has a lot of elements that young readers love
Reply
:iconrockgem:
rockgem Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
i love this - it caught my eye to be honest because 3rd Oct is my birthday  and i am so very glad i did take the time to read! wonderful work and congratulations on the DD 
Reply
:iconfaintsketches:
FaintSketches Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Professional Writer
Mastery of a very specific and personal emotion. I really felt it as I read it. :heart:
Reply
:iconrentintent:
rentintent Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Professional Writer
The last stanza transforms this from goodness into greatness.  Wonderful job!
Reply
:iconrichardsanders1:
RichardSanders1 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is awesome! The description, and what is happening and pretty much everything in general is great!
Kind of reminds me of Inception :o
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :party:
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:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! :glomp:
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure  :heart:
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:icongryffgirl:
Gryffgirl Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
A vivid and beautiful poem.  Congratulations on your DD! :clap:
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:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you :hug:
Reply
:iconderiveanemone:
DeriveAnemone Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful and poignant. Heart I love the impact in the last stanza.
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:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconlol3evee:
LOL3evee Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
Very powerful poem, my friend. A well deserved DD to an amazing poet! ^^
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:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :heart:
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:iconlol3evee:
LOL3evee Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
You're very welcome.
Reply
:iconanila73:
anila73 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This drew me in from the moment I skimmed the first word. It's just. perfect and VERY well written. Agh. :love:
Reply
:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :hug:
Reply
:iconpurplerayromeo:
PurpleRayRomeo Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazingly beautiful <3
Reply
:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:icondeathrock138:
Deathrock138 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Student Writer
I love this! Absolutely beautiful word play!
Reply
:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you :hug:
Reply
:iconsi1ver-reborn:
Si1VeR-ReBoRn Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014   Writer
This poem is amazing! :wow:
Reply
:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Student Writer
Damn, that's powerful.
Reply
:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Student Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconsnowysylva:
snowysylva Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the image of the first stanza, but I feel the other three are more powerful, to me. Possibly because the first has the rather disconnected "out of feathers, bird bones, 
ocean waves and library book pages. 
anything to keep our feet from
touching the ground." - I like all these things, but I am struggling to connect them in a way that makes sense. Maybe they are from the library book pages? I think I am taking it too literally as far as keeping feet from touching the ground, which I do not understand. 

All in all a very powerful poem. The realization of the final stanza is so satisfying. 
Reply
:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Student Writer
that first stanza gave me some issues, and I debated keeping it in there. I may have to do some tweaking, if it stays, to make it a bit more concrete. It was supposed to be more abstract than anything, more the feeling behind those things, than concrete objects. I suppose it all depends on how you choose to interpret things. But I can see how it doesn't fit as well with the other stanzas. 

But thank you very much :heart:
Reply
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